Checking My Phone (2)

I write a personal and vulnerable note and post it to Instagram. 5 minutes go by, I check my phone, no likes or comments. I wait a little bit longer and play candy crush. 10 minutes go by, I lose all my lives as well as my emotional strength, I check my phone again, nothing. I hop on Facebook and try to be vague about how I feel because my dad overthinks everything, then go on Twitter and really sell what I feel because I only have 16 followers. I let it breathe. 20 minutes since Instagram, still nothing so I post to my story about how much I’m going downhill just hoping someone will take it seriously. I get a praying hand emoji, or “you got this” but no real effort by anyone. I click out of Instagram to check for notifications, nothing. I go on YouTube or Netflix to distract my breaking mind from breaking even more. After 45 minutes, still nothing. At this point I feel empty and alone and I’m just praying that someone will actually reach out to me for real, I see them online but they don’t acknowledge my cry for help. It’s been 3 hours at this point and no one has gotten to me after me being open about what’s going on in my mind. I’m defeated and I surrender to sleep. It’s not until I’m tightly wrapped in a blanket of depression that someone gets to me for real, but I’m too broken to feel better and I just want to sleep. I wake in the morning, I check my phone, nothing except the person who got to me in the darkest hour of the previous night

One thought on “Checking My Phone (2)

  1. That’s the thing about social media, ya know? We want that instant gratifying engagement but a lot of the time we’re not going to get it. It sounds like you’re struggling and would like someone to take that struggle seriously. There are real people who will, but you probably won’t find them on Instagram or Twitter or Snapchat or whatever. So it becomes a “what are you looking for” and “where will you find it?” Kind of situation I think.


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